Max Kruse reveals way too much information with haemorrhoids woes

Falling (un) comfortably in to the “way too much information” category came former German international Max Kruse’s revelation on Germany’s Celebrity Big Brother, in which he is currently starring.
“I have haemorrhoids. I have never been to the doctor about them. I have been fighting a running battle with them for 10 years. I am no fan of the idea of using the sort of chair a woman sits on at the gynaecologist’s surgery to have my backside looked at. Then someone will fumble around in my rear end. I still struggle to cope with the idea.”
Thanks for that, Max.
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“When the final whistle went, it was like their bench thought they’d won the World Cup.”
A peeved Ashley Westwood after his Hong Kong side lost 1-0 to Liechtenstein. In fairness, the result ended Liechtenstein’s 41-match winless streak, so little wonder they were a bit chuffed.
Post-match interview of the season: The one with Michael Birmingham after his Isthmian League side Horndean suffered their fourth heavy defeat in a row last week.
“I just hope our players have got plenty of Sudocrem at home because they’ve had their arses slapped today. The only positive to come out of that? I had a cracking pasty before the game. That was about it. All my lot, they ain’t got no standards, they don’t give a shit. They just turn up and think, ‘we’ll go through the motions today’. Today they got found out, and do you know what? I hope it’ll hurt and all. I hope they can’t sit down for a week – and I hope they run out of Sudocrem.”
Saturday? They won 4-2. And, naturally, Birmingham did his post-match interview with a tub of Sudocrem on his head. Bottoms up, Horndean.
Luka Modric’s age when he came on for Real Madrid against Celta Vigo on Saturday – so, he overtook Ferenc Puskas as the oldest player to make an appearance for the club. Some career.
“I think there would be huge appeal to him, as an Egyptian and a Muslim, in earning astronomical money for the next three or four years in Saudi Arabia, the cradle of Islam and a country which has a maritime border with his own.”
Graeme Souness thinks Mo Salah will leave Liverpool at the end of the season, that maritime border possibly the chief attraction.
“I knew the tag on the club when I accepted the position. It’s not a secret. It wasn’t like getting in here and going, ‘Jesus Christ, this club hasn’t won anything for 14 years, can you believe it?.”
Ange Postecoglou confirming that he knew Spurs were Spursy before he became their gaffer.
“Have you forgotten everything we made you become?”
A Mainz banner in the crowd on Saturday somewhat critical of former gaffer Jürgen Klopp’s decision to become Red Bull’s Head of Global Soccer.
Once his SV Wasbek went 7-0 up in the 51st minute of their Flens Cup game against SG Oldenburg in Schleswig-Holstein on Saturday, manager Pasqual Rüdiger, naturally enough, made five changes – just to give his subs a run-out, seeing as the game was sewn up. How good were said subs? Well: the game finished 7-7, Mats Burmeister completing his hat-trick seven minutes in to added time. So it went to penalties. And Oldenburg won. “I have experienced a lot as a player and coach,” said Rüdiger, “but nothing like this.” He’ll be more careful with his substitutions in the future.